BEFORE I UNLEASH some of the writing I've been doing over the past little while, I first feel called to write a bit from the perspective of a gal who posted once on her blog and then didn't for AN ENTIRE YEAR.
Yup, that's me. Guilty (and slightly embarrassed) as charged. But if I've learned anything over my 30 years on Earth, it's that your past doesn't have to define your present and guilt gets you no where FAST. In fact, it keeps you stuck, repeating the same old patterns that just don't work.
I'm pretty sure that's the definition of insanity. And who wants that?
So, here I am, releasing this guilt, stepping out of my comfort zone, and beginning anew.
Baby steps, ya'll.
Like many of us, 2017 was full of the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I did a LOT of inner exploration and acknowledged aspects of myself that I'd been hiding away for far too long (which I'm sure you'll read about eventually).
And although challenging and painful by times, I acknowledge that every blip in time has been such a necessary part of my journey and filled to the brim with so many wonderful lessons and beautiful moments of sheer bliss along the way.
But throughout all of this, I found myself keeping the lessons and inspiration I’ve gleaned all to myself. Hoarding it all like a pack rat. Perhaps sharing it with those near and dear, but ultimately unable to share it in a tangible way with the wider world.
Because, you see, I allowed fear to get the better of me. To cast a shadow over the truest, most authentic part of me; the part that's here to serve, to heal, to create, and to realize my fullest potential for the greater good of the world.
Yeah, that fear. Fear with a capital F.
It can be a powerful force when used to keep you playing small, to keep you sitting at the kiddies’ table. When it keeps you from doing the real work you're meant to do on this earth.
But it can also be a powerful force when you realize what it could feel like 5, 10, even 50 years from now when you look back and realize you didn't take those baby steps towards your dream—i.e., not posting on your blog (where you're allowed to write whatever your heart most wants to express) for fear of judgement, rejection, not being enough, being “too much”... insert whatever other limiting belief you have here.
That was me. All last year. And probably a lot of my life leading up until only recently, when I starting waking the f*ck up and stopped playing the victim to my circumstances. I began learning all kinds of rad things about life and love and how precious my unique existence really is in this lifetime. And I realized (with the help of many wonderful teachers) that underneath it all, fear was holding me back in a lot of areas of my life—particularly my artistic life.
Because although I was working on some cool projects, I wasn't fuelling my own creative output like I knew I had the capacity to do, which created a lot of inner turmoil. And while posting some words on a website might not seem like a big deal to some, the written word is a very sacred, personal, and empowered art form. And I think a part of me knew that by taking that first step, I was unlocking a creative force in me that would need to be expressed for many days and many posts to come.
And I was scared. Scared to reveal myself. Scared to be an exposed nerve. Scared to find out what was on the other side of fear. Scared to stand up and be the empowered, creative, unstoppable source of healing and inspiration I know I'm capable of being, and strongly desire to be.
BUT! The good news is, I've been doing a lot of work to dig underneath these limiting beliefs and getting my sh*t together with my business/life so I have more time to freely express myself in whatever way feels best. In any given moment, on any given day.
Because the truth is, I used to worry that my words needed to be "perfect" before I could publish them, but now I'm realizing there's no such thing.
Words are the most real and honest the second they flow out of you, and to over-analyze and criticize your own Truth isn't serving anyone. Maybe they'll never be "perfect" to the harshest critic (Spoiler Alert: it's ME), but what does it matter? They'll be real. And maybe even a bit raw. And maybe even a bit poetic... 'cause rhyming is fun and I only just discovered my love for it a few months ago.
One thing is for sure, they're definitely not going to help me or anyone by just sitting in the drafts section of my website.
All that to say, I'm super excited for what's coming up in 2018, and finally feel ready to step out of my comfort zone and to be vulnerable enough to share my journey and creative expression with the wider world again. I've got a zillion ideas floating around in my head and learning so many new things each and everyday, so I hope this space will provide an opportunity to explore these thoughts and feelings in a way that serves those who are willing and ready to receive it.
So, here goes... putting on my big girl pants now.
With love + light,